Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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