from now on my penis is your penis
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
