foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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