I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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