Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
