you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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