youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
