I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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