If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
