Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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