yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
