yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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