you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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