If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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