It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
