Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
