The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
