im holly from the hills drunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
