i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
