if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
