it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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