just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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