if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
