I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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