It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
