Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
