Ambien. No doubt about it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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