im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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