Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
