Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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