I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
