If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
