Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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