I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
