By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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