I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
