How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
