Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
