I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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