when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
