I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
