He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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