I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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