thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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