Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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