WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
