OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
