All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
