You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
