yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize