I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize