It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
