when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
