is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
