I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You need a sexual gate keeper
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
