I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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