What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
