Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
