fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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