just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
