great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Less talking, more tequila
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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