Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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