I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize