Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
