i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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