I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize