Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
