Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
