got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
