I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
