Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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