My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
